I Was Lost

It’s been a while since I’ve written, dear ones. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to.
I went numb and silent after the election.

It wasn’t a question of values. I was privileged to work for 20 years at a local Planned Parenthood. In my younger days I was a card carrying Wiccan.

But for the first time in a long time, it felt like the pieces no longer fit together, of the world or of myself, in a way that made sense.

I was lost.
Then I Had This Dream.   

In the dream I am freestyle trance dancing. There are women all around me, dancing and chanting. We’re raising our voices and arms, and we’re dancing in support of a woman who’d been abused, dancing in a circle, rallying around her.   

We Knew In The Dream We Were WOMEN RISING.

We were dancing our protest. Our energy was FIERCE. PROTECTIVE. STRONG. FREE.

We were on fire for ourselves, for womanhood and sisterhood.

In the dream, the roles then switch and the abused woman is leading me in the dance. She dances behind me, holding her hands on my hips and gently showing my body how to sway with the movements of the dance, becoming MY
teacher.

WE WERE STANDING FOR EACH ANOTHER.     

I woke from that dream in tears.

I was no longer lost.

I knew then what I stood for. I remembered.

I AM FOR WOMEN.

All of my life experiences, healing the PTSD from patriarchal abuse as a child, finding my Spirit after healing from abusive patriarchal religion, learning feminine power, exploring my own sexuality, working at Planned Parenthood for 20 years, freeing myself from an abusive, narcissistic marriage, becoming a life coach for women, was meant to be. It’s why I’m here, and it’s my gift.
My heart yearns to help women find their freedom.THAT is what I stand for. THAT is the fire in my heart.

I’m here for women not just at protests or the voting both, but in every interaction with every woman I meet.  

There’s something that emanates from my Spirit to women in need. When I worked at Planned Parenthood, I’d sit down in an office with a woman, start asking routine questions, and in minutes, she’d be crying, opening her heart and soul to me. It was kind of a joke around the office that I’d always get the cryers. When I finally understood why, it led me to become a Life Coach for Women.
I’m here to be such a force of unconditional love and acceptance for a woman that even when her mind doesn’t understand it, she’ll taste freedom. She’ll feel it in a smile, a glance, a gesture of kindness, and know there’s a different possibility for her life than the hell she’s been living. 

THAT is what I stand for.

To keep my sanity, I have to continue to remind myself to keep my focus small. If I try to figure it all out, it will take me down.

I can’t save the entire world from where I stand. 

But maybe what I stand for can save the world.


 

 

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