This is one of my most vulnerable posts. With all there is to discuss in the world today, it wasn’t the plan to share my personal story, but it wanted to be told. My hope is that my journey will somehow inspire your own! There’s also an addendum to the post which I’ve had to add for legal reasons.
The earth has been calling me to change my way of life. Held within that change is ecstasy and agony, evolution and grief, certainty and doubts, fears, questions, tears.
Two years ago, after coming home from my family’s annual camping trip to our favorite Adirondack lake, I wrote in my journal, “If I could live this way, I’d be healed.”
I’d had a flash of insight, one that would turn out to be a premonition.
A year after that trip, the premonition took hold.
In July of 2015, as I was heading home again from the annual Adirondack trip, I was consumed with a desire to live a full-time mobile life, on the road.
I felt called to explore the healing places of Mother Earth.
The dream wouldn’t leave me alone.
I began researching RV’s, watched countless videos, read articles, bought books, and soaked up information from bloggers and YouTubers, many of them single women like me, who were happily and heartily living the way of life I was suddenly craving. I discovered an entire mobile community across North America that had felt the same call.
At times the fire of my dream dimmed, and I’d settle back into the contentedness of my comfy, stationary life…questioning why I would ever want to leave it…and then the dream would catch fire again and ignite my soul.
In early 2016 I wrote, “I still want to be on the road. I could explore the Adirondacks from Spring to fall. The first thing is to attain a good vehicle, a great vehicle, that is mine.”
The Plan: find the right vehicle and convert it into a tiny RV, and there were abundant examples on the internet on how to do it.
In August 2016 I was still writing about it: “I love this place where I live, yet I feel such a restlessness. I want to just chuck it all and go. Is it the human spirit that wants to expand, grow, explore!?”
“I surrender. I let the universe open the way to my true path.”
Of course, letting go flips the “on” switch to manifesting our dreams.
Soon after writing that, I found the perfect vehicle, a roomy mini-van that’s still small enough for me to manage with the particular physical limitations of a chronic illness.
It was a miracle manifestation.
My dream now had wheels.
I wrote about manifesting my vehicle in a blog about manifesting miracles. I wrote: “P.S. One of my BIG dreams is to live and travel full time on the road. The pull has become so strong that I’ve spent a year researching the lifestyle and the rigs. Let’s just say, if the perfect rig with the perfect financial circumstance came up…”
Just a few months ago, it still felt so distant.
I’m not even sure how this happened, but in the last few weeks, my dream has become a plan!
I’ll be on the road by this coming spring!
My daughter, who is totally supportive, recently said that my dream is crazy. Not in a bad way crazy, but out of the norm crazy.
Her sensible suggestion was to take a test spin, and sleep in the van.
I threw my air mattress in the back of the van and took an overnight trip to a secluded campsite.
It was there any lingering doubts finally fled. I was one with the trees, the earth, the sky, the wild that came to greet me.
I was home.
It wasn’t perfect. It was agony and ecstasy. I gained useful information about what I’ll need to make the van livable…but it’s totally DO-ABLE. I can’t wait to get my rig tricked up!
I’ll even continue my coaching, Coach On The Road!
As with any change, it won’t be without its grief and letting go.
It will be a drastic change in my way of life, one that’s so far out of my hard-earned comfort zone that I’ve questioned my own sanity. I’ll be away from my family, my hearts, for months at a time.
It’s felt like an obsession.
I’ve been obsessed with other things in the past, relationships, sex, religion, perfectionism. This feels different. This feels like coming home to myself.
This time, I’m not changing myself for another person, religion, or societal image wanting to shape my identity.
This it isn’t to please anyone else. It only makes sense to me.
It looks crazy.
Maybe the true insanity is resisting what calls to us from the depths of our souls.
There’s been a process to manifesting my dream, and I’ve written about it here:
I’ll continue to keep you updated on the adventure!
I’m still several months out from these life changes, and as life always is, it’s been interesting.
I’ve found that the semantics of describing my dream, and the pure logistics of the dream, can have some disconnect here in our physical world. This post describes a lifestyle that escapes definition when it comes down to checkboxes on forms.
Saying you’ll be living full time in a van, as I’ve described my plans in this post, equals homelessness as defined by this country. It’s all black and white on paper. If you’re living in a van, you’re homeless. Our identities are tracked by any number of agencies in this modern age, even more so when one is disabled and receiving government benefits, and my upcoming lifestyle change as I’ve described it here raises up all kinds of further questions. I thought about modifying the wording of this post, but I have nothing to hide and I’m doing exactly what I said I’d be doing. Luckily for me, I will not be homeless.
This coming Spring, I’ll be moving out of the cozy little apartment where I’ve lived alone for 7 years, and moving in with my oldest daughter and her family. This familial living situation is better for me financially and physically. This home will be my new home. My son-in-law will be converting my van, customizing it into a comfortable living space to accommodate me when I travel. For someone in my physical and financial condition, this allows me to follow my dream. While having a way to travel when the road calls me, I’ll still have a permanent stick and brick home to live.
I’m so blessed. I have faith. I have skills to navigate this confusing world. I’ve learned how to have joy, peace, faith and freedom.
I don’t know for sure what’s next, but my North Star is pulling me forward into a life I can now only imagine. I can’t wait to see it.
If you’d like personal help to manifesting your own dreams, I’m always here as an affordable women’s life coach!